been awhile

Wow so things have been busy yet somewhat stressful. But I am really learning to give my stress to God and believe it or not it helps.

To give you a better idea as to why I am stressed I am going to let you know just how much I have actually screwed up in my past. Thank you God for being so forgiving!!

I have 5 children as I have said before and I have not been the best mom to the three oldest. I have no problem admitting this though it used to be difficult. This move to Virginia without them was very difficult because of leaving them behind. Though I will say that I stand by this decision and know that it was the one that God wanted me to make! I would not of "found" God if it was not for this decision.  Most think I made this decision without even thinking of them but it is quite the oposite, I know that their dad takes amazing care of them. I know that he has and always will do a better job than I have I know that they are better off with him. What some people fail to forget is I have two other children that I have to take care of and consider and they do not have a father that I trust as much as the older children's father. I dont know if this makes any since to anyone else but for me it does. I also will admit that I am doing my best not to make the same mistakes with the younger two as I did with the older three.

Anyway I pay child support a lot of it and since we have moved to Virginia and the job that I had fell through I have struggled to find work and owe a lot. I feel horrible and it is extreme stress to know that I am not doing my part. I am also concerned because there is a warrant for three hundred dollars and with no income how am I supose to pay this. I pray about this and I am trying to rely on the Lord's help, but really sometimes feel as though I dont deserve it. I am scared and I admit that.

anyway I just needed to get this off my chest I know I bored everyone :)