been awhile!!

So as the title says it has been awhile since I've written here or even though about this blog. I guess since I don't really have any followers and I do this for myself. Some like to talk I like to write I guess I am just not one to open up to others. I'll open up to a point but I am just not comfortable spilling my entire life story in person. I can't handle the looks of shock or boredom or disgust lol.
Things are definitely interesting around here, stress and drama don't seem to ever disappear that is something I am learning or I guess at this point I have learned. You can remove something from your life that causes stress but something new will arise. That's just a given, I am trying to learn to trust and have faith enough to give it all to God, but you know back to the talking to people thing I even find it difficult to open up to God in prayer too. I wonder if I can write my prayers, Hmmm??? That sure would help me a lot.
I really need to get out of this rut that I am stuck in, I feel so dang lonely. But let me tell you for someone that has a hard time talking to people finding friends is not an easy task. Heck, I go to woman's service at church (WOW) by myself and I leave by self and honestly do not talk to a soul the whole time. I want to sleep all day during the week and on the weekends I'm gogogo with my fiance and boys. I really need a job or something, but hey that's an issue too with doctor's appointments and school meeting how could I possibly work.
Don't get me wrong the funny thing about it all is I really feel happy, Ha figure that one out cause I can't. I love it here in Richmond, theres so much to do and we have experienced more in the last 8 months than I had in a lifetime before we moved! The boys enjoy it all except school anyway but hey that's for another day. I love my fiance and our time together, so what is it??
I know there has got to be something missing or maybe it's just the worry. I sure wish I could just give it all to God. Am I the only one that feels as though it is just not fair to God that he should have to clean up my mistakes and take on my worries? I don't know I know that he loves us and that he is willing to take on everything we can not handle but really he already gave up his son, why should we expect more from him. The sacrifice of his child should be more than anyone could possibly ask for, after all would you do that for the people in this world?? I'll be completely honest when I say that I wouldn't HELL no. But he felt we were worthy of that and not only did he send his son, but Jesus had to go on with his life knowing that it was going to come to an end for a bunch of strangers for people that treated him horribly, to me that is an amazing love.

And the one thing he wants from us the most important thing out of everything he asks is that we love one another. We can't do it, come on we talk about one another all the time is that really love?? She's fat, he's a cheater, she's a slut, he's a drunk, he's black, and she's white. Heck let's take God out of the question, some people don't believe so isn't it just plain obvious that if we could all just love one another how much better our world would be?? It would be amazing.

Anyway some food for thought, and actually a way to live. I know that I'm am going to do my best to change and love everyone. Maybe that is the way to find true happiness!